I would not be like that bloodsucker
by Tatiana Ekaterina
Summary: Jacob has been a werewolf for only three days. It’s enough just trying to deal with all the changes. Is he going to have to give up Bella’s friendship now too? JPOV with Sam and Embry, Stephanie’s world. For Bella's Lullaby of Broadway One-Shot Contest.


**Bella's Lullaby of Broadway One-Shot Contest**

**Title: ****I would not be like that bloodsucker.**

**Pen Name: **Tatiana Ekaterina

**Song and Show Title for Inspiration Song: "****Whistle down the wind"- **from _Whistle down the Wind, _Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Lyrics by Jim Steinman

**Summary: **Jacob has been a werewolf for only three days. It's enough just trying to deal with all the changes. Is he going to have to give up Bella's friendship now too? JPOV, Stephanie's world.

**Disclaimer: **I wished I was cool enough to dream up Twilight, but sadly I wasn't. Thanks Stephenie Meyer, for letting me borrow your plot and characters. I hope I can be as cool one day. I don't own Twilight. Rated M since we all know Jake isn't very good at controlling fantasies, and some language.

**Word Count: **(minus header, author's note, and song lyrics) 2945

**So I was just listening to the "Whistle down the Wind" soundtrack when I realized that the title song was a perfect theme from Jake to Bella. The musical is based off the 1961 film. In the musical, it's performed as a reminder of protection that the mother used to sing, but she's passed on. Now the father Boone, and Swallow, the oldest sister, must take her place to protect the two little ones. It's another lullaby, really. **

**Whistle down the wind**

_**Boone: **__Whistle down the wind…_

_Let your voices carry,_

_Drown out all the rain, light a patch of darkness, _

_Treacherous and scary…_

_Howl at the stars,_

_Whisper when you're sleeping_

_I'll be there to hold you; I'll be there to stop,_

_The chills and all the weeping_

_Make it clear and strong,_

_So the whole night long,_

_Every signal that you send, _

_Until the very end-_

_I will not abandon you, my precious friend._

_**Swallow: **__So try and stem the tide,_

_Then you'll raise a banner,_

_Send a flare up in the sky,_

_Try to burn a torch, and try to build a bonfire…_

_Every signal that you send, _

_Until the very end, I'm there._

_**Father: **__So whistle down the wind, _

_For I have always been, right there._

_**Brat (spoken): **__Ma sang it better._

_(Instrumental break, Swallow is left alone onstage.)_

_**Swallow: **__Howl at the stars,_

_Whisper when you're sleeping_

_I'll be there to hold you; I'll be there to stop,_

_The chills and all the weeping_

_Make it clear and strong,_

_So the whole night long,_

_Every signal that you send,_

_Until the very end-_

_I will not abandon you, my precious friend._

_So try and stem the tide,_

_Then you'll raise a banner,_

_Send a flare up in the sky,_

_Try to burn a torch, and try to build a bonfire…_

_Every signal that you send,_

_Until the very end, I'm there._

_So whistle down the wind, _

_For I have always been, right there._

POV: Jacob and the pack mind.

Time: During New Moon- 3 days after Jacob has transformed and Sam has laid down the edict that he cannot reveal himself to anyone and suggests staying away from Bella for her own good. Possibly 2 am, or 3, it doesn't matter much, but its early morning on the 3rd day.

Place: All around La Push

Finally I had managed to change back for a real length of time, and the voices faded in my head for only the second time in almost 55 hours. I was still terrified though as I pulled on a pair of shorts. I was almost on top of the water in the forest at the edge of the beach, so I followed the cool scent and went to sit down. The darkness was more soothing despite the fact that I could see perfectly. The wind was blowing slightly; it felt nice on my skin. Maybe the still, dark, waters could help me stay quiet long enough to figure some of this insanity out! But it wasn't insanity and that was the whole point. The legends were true. Sam was a werewolf, so were Jared, Paul, and one of my best friends, Embry, and now I had no choice but to lead them, or so they told me. I told them I needed time, and Sam was humoring me, for now. At least they all knew exactly what I was going through, literally. They could hear it in my head.

I would never think badly of Sam ever again! How he could have gone through that feeling that your mind was expanding and tearing apart, to discover you've sprouted fur, your hotter than the equator, the illness and growing pains and the disorientation of being on four legs for the first time not to mention being assailed by a clearer vision of the forest where you can finally really see what it looks, smells, tastes, and feels like surrounded by _other_ furry and non-furry creatures alone I had no idea! No wonder he freaked out. Plus he'd lost Leah and I suspected there was a whole well of emotion hiding behind his calm face over what he did to Emily, poor guy.

I'd only started reaching out into other minds as I ran through the forest about three hours ago. It took that long just to find your bearings and see straight, for crying out loud! At least the speed was awesome. They had run with me all the way to Canada, knowing I wouldn't want to stop, and to give all of us some time to adjust, or re-adjust to a new member. Normally they'd still turn back a lot sooner on a member's first run, but this required a hell of a lot more adjusting. They were expecting to have to re-structure the pack, and Sam would teach me everything he had learned about leading them. I was Ephraim Black's great-grandson, the last Alpha, the last CHIEF of the tribe. Thank God there wouldn't be more of us, I was the last piece. I still couldn't handle it. I was only able to look into Sam's head for a few moments. His imprinting had reordered his mind completely, and I almost fell over when the force of his love for Emily first slipped into my head. I definitely wasn't used to my wolf senses yet.

Sam knew I pushed it all away, they all did. I guessed Embry hoped I might be able to take over. Not that Embry didn't like Sam; he just hoped I'd be able to embrace such an awesome inheritance in both senses of the word. That's what he'd said. Awesome? Yeah, you mean overwhelming and infuriating! I didn't get how he got awesome, especially when he had to hide all of it from his mother and be constantly grounded, just for being himself. Sam knew I didn't want this. He knew he was going to stay Alpha; I didn't have to read his mind to know that. Sure I seemed to be much faster and stronger than any of them were, and I was already transforming back and forth. I'd figured out how to put my shape back together faster than they could have ever dreamed, but I didn't really know what I was doing, and so what? I just change into a wolf and they expect me to be responsible for all of all of my new pack brothers, plus the whole tribe, plus as many human lives as we could from the biggest coven of vampires anyone had ever seen since the days of… no since ever?!?!? It didn't matter if the leeches came back or not. No… just…no, I couldn't. I looked down and realized there were tremors rocking through my new grow-by-the minute frame. I was two inches taller than the day I changed! In three days!

But that wouldn't stop the shaking. I breathed in and out slowly, but my mind started racing to that bunch of _bloodsuckers_ who had left my Bells behind. Too late.

_Crap, there went another pair of shorts. How did the others have any clothes at all?_

"_Stealing," thought Embry, smirking. I wasn't alone anymore. At least they weren't nearby. _

I turned tail and sprinted into the forest in the opposite direction from where they were. They didn't say anything about it. Sam answered my initial question.

"_Practice. You'll get the hang of this Jacob, I'm sure of it." Well, that made one of us._

"_Two actually," Embry corrected. "I am too." _

_Super. "Where are the others?" I thought at them. That was still weird too, to try and direct a thought somewhere, rather than just think it._

"_Jared and Paul knew you were struggling enough. I'm a friendly face, and Sam's the mentor, so they left us. We figured you'd be back in the pack mind soon, it's just too hard to stay human for very long when you're so new." Embry answered me. _

_Huh, that was nice and I knew what he was talking about anyway. I'd been so worried about not being able to be there for Bella that I had forced myself to transform back into a human without knowing how I'd managed it. It was only the next day! I went back to my father, and Bella had called to check on me. She thought I had a stomach flu that was going around. She had caught it from that pansy, Mike, but it had passed. I tried to focus on how she was feeling, but the growing pains made my focus waver more by the second. I got so upset at the thought that this could take her away from me, and that she'd be alone, again, that I had almost phased right in my kitchen. I would have if I had had the energy, but the transformation exhausted me more than anything I had ever felt, even with my new strength. _I switched direction and noticed the others were staying quiet as I continued to think._ I assumed that each one had the same kind of story, trying to work all this out._

"_Do you want us to respond?"-Embry._

"_I had the added nervous breakdown, awfully strange for a four-legged creature that," Sam thought quietly with a rare expression of humor._

"_I don't know," I answered Embry. "How did you stay away from Leah, Sam?" I asked him next, "You know what Bella's going through right now, you saw her right after he left! I don't want to hurt her, but it doesn't matter what I do, I'm screwed! If I go near her and lose it I could claw her body, but if I don't you don't think I'm scarring her anyway? She's already torn apart and broken over that leech! I can't make it worse. I won't!"_

Tears were starting to stream down my muzzle, and I rubbed my new fucking huge head against my side to wipe them away. I huffed out audibly and a bird I hadn't noticed went screeching into the night. I felt Sam's mind sharpen.

"_Listen Jacob," I can feel the obvious strength of your emotion when you think of Bella. You've fallen for her already, and that is simply too dangerous for someone like us."_

_Oh, yeah, there was emotion there all right. Understatement of all time. I returned to my one big hope. "But I haven't seen her yet." I insisted, "what if I imprint on her?"_

"_I can't let you think like that Jake; it wouldn't be right. I wanted the exact same thing. The worst pain I ever felt, worse than any part of the transformation, was coming back and seeing Leah again. To look into her eyes and have real proof that the woman you love is not your soul mate, your other half, your everything—and then to not be able to explain how I knew I HAD to leave her…" Sam's "voice" faded into torture that had no words, even now, and Embry and I flinched. He continued, "So you see? What will you do if you see Bella again and you feel nothing beyond what you feel right now? I agree you have to see her again eventually, you can't disappear, but it's too soon."_

"_She'll keep calling. She'll look for me. She won't give up, she needs me." I persisted._

"_Then it's up to you to convince her," Sam responded._

"_I can't do that." I knew the truth._

"_Jake, buddy, come on. How are you going to help her out if you have to hide such a big secret from her? Leah can barely look at Sam," _Sam winced again, _"and my Mom won't even speak to me aside from her furious interrogations!" Embry spoke up, "you think you won't do the same thing to Bella? I think you're really falling in love with her too, man, which would be great, if you didn't have the potential to kill her trying to get it on."_

"_Thanks Embry, just when I'm trying to be sensible…" I had to stop the same fantasy that took over my head from the time Bella first returned back to La Push, before I realized her real state of mind. I had thought she was choosing me and she would forget her past. An image of a naked Bella curled around me in the woods somewhere flashed through my head before I could stop it. The location of my fantasy changed constantly because each time would never be enough. Standing against a tree, laying in a field, on top, bottom, twisted hopelessly together, it didn't make a difference. If only I could possess her, make her forget, if only she'd let me turn her pain into the pure pleasure of a…_

"_You want her bad! We get it." Embry interrupted._

_Sam was pulling from my head too, but he brought me back to reality with a thump. "Remember you have no imprint Jacob. You cannot put your concern for Bella's safety above the protection of your tribe. We will do our duty and include Bella in our protection of all human life. That is all she must ask of us."_

I started running then, unsure what the other two would do when they heard my plan. They knew what I was after. I reached my house, and phased back before I even tried to. So weird. I didn't think about it long- I ran to my window and climbed through, looking for a pair of bottoms, anything, _only just in case _(as I lied to myself,) then I tied them to the cord on my leg. I phased back with some effort in the trees and started running again. I was fast, but they were waiting for me, closer to my house now. I heard Embry immediately.

"_Careful Jake!" _

I paid more attention to Sam as I ran. _"Run through the forest, and do not stray too close. Stay as far away from her house as you can. You will be able to sense and smell her presence from a great distance. Do not allow yourself to climb into her house. You have a clue as to who you might imprint on, so use it. It is an experience more intense than any of this, and whether you find love or disappointment, trust me, you don't want to feel it while she's asleep. If you imprint you may not be able to control the urge to reach for her," _I couldn't help grinning and exposing all my teeth- and felt Sam's growl, _"Focus Jake!" _so I did-"_if you don't imprint, you could lose control of yourself. Don't even climb any trees; you could fall out when you would see her." _

"_That would suck," thought Embry reflexively._

"_Embry," Sam chided, "you're not helping."_

"_Sorry," he thought at both of us._

"_Hey, no worries." I responded. Suddenly, Sam had me reeling. He was responding to thoughts I couldn't quite control, or hold back, streaming through my head almost without my even noticing. He could hear my plans and intentions. But at least he understood. He knew I had to at least check on Bella. My protective instinct was growing every day, but even more for her. It pleased me that neither Sam nor Embry seemed to have anything against Bella in the general sense, but they knew better how dicey things could get with relationships involving Werewolves. I'd heard Sam, but I couldn't stop hoping that I would just imprint on Bella. It would make things so much easier. _It didn't take me long to reach the forest around her house.

"_You are still human," _Sam_ thought, understanding again…"We're going to phase back for about half an hour," Sam thought then, "give you some space."_

_The guys really were my brothers now. "Thanks Sam. I'll be fine. I promise." _

"_I know." _- I felt Sam's nod.

"_Duh,_ _obviously_," Embry began, as I felt Sam's mind leave us, then his control slipped a little, _"Jake, make sure she's ok, but that's it. Don't get more involved. Isn't this complicated enough? I don't want to see you get hurt." Embry whimpered automatically._

"_I can't worry about myself. I think you might be right about my feelings. So I can't lose her. Not even for this." _Embry couldn't respond. Instead he also left me alone.

_Alone, again. _

I couldn't help it. I found my center and phased back to human form. I didn't know how I did it, but my focus seemed to obey me, even when I was as stressed as I was now. I pulled on the pair of shorts I'd grabbed and walked out of the forest toward her house. I heard only the sounds of night; it was very quiet, even for me. There was a tree outside her front yard. Where was her room? It was driving me crazy not to know. How did she sleep? I stretched my ears out and suddenly heard a scream, coming from her house. It had to be Bella. Then I noticed the sound of a change in breathing, and realized she must have woken up. I ran quickly back to the trees, took off my shorts, and phased back into a wolf.

_I couldn't risk her seeing me human, they were right. It was stupid of me to try. _But my hearing was even sharper in my wolf form, and I heard gasping struggling to change to quieter breathing. _Bella was so tortured right now she probably had nightmares, I thought. Then I knew I had it. Of course she had nightmares, he had abandoned her! That cemented it in my head. If Sam wanted me to stay away he was going to have to add to his edicts. I would be there for Bella, always staying young and strong, running fast as the wind, watching for any signal she'd give me. I knew she'd never admit it. _I sat there in the forest, just listening around her house, until I heard a new voice in my head.

"_Sam says we have to relieve you on patrol. Try to concentrate on keeping your shape, you have to master that." It was Jared, and he wasn't alone, either._

"_Ha, good luck with that!" _

_Ugh, Paul. "Fuck off, Paul," I told him. "Get any sleep?" I asked Jared._

"_Yeah, but we've been at this longer than you, remember. Get some sleep Jake. You need it."_

"_Yeah alright." I agreed. _I started running back the way I came. For the first time I anticipated what it would feel like to be flying through the trees and noticed every insignificant leaf I passed. I pinned it all to the decision I'd just made._ Bella would be in my life, Werewolf or not._

"_Loser," _was the last thing I heard from Paul before I became human, once again. I climbed through the window not bothering to throw on the shorts and collapsed onto my bed. I almost broke it. Whoops. I changed my mind and reached for the shorts. I really had to sleep. I really didn't need any added reminders of Bella in anything but her usual shirts and pants combo, rather than a sexy black lace bra and panties… right, like Bella could even put them on without blushing profusely anyway. I cursed Embry for bringing it up in the first place. I did want her badly. But Bella needed me on my game. Only it was a lot bigger than any game. _I_ was her protector now, her greatest friend, No matter what I might want.

**TE**


End file.
